More Artwork by the Constantly Creative Chris

Oh... but I'm not dead yet... and I don't think she's been practicing my eulogy yet either... I don't know though

I miss my Dumber fish

I miss my fish. I now only have 1 of the trio fish i recieved from my beloved before our wedding. They were part of our decoration at the wedding and greeted everyone who came. Some of you migh know the my fish. They where at the wedding on the table when you walked in......quietly whispering "sign the book". After the wedding i gave Peachy to my brother and sister-in-law. I gave Peachy away so that she might share her cheer onto their family. Left with me was DUMB and DUMBER. MY red and blue beta fish. Well, DUMBER has not been doing so good for the last few months.I cleaned her water and gave her fresh food. She just never pulled out of if.
Then one day, it happened. dumber died. Alone and quietly, she sunk to the bottom and died. i was so up set but thought i would just get some rest from the long days work and worry about it tomarrow. The day was rough. I'm very glad i worked though to help keep my mind off of planing the funeral and praticing the eulogy. Well when I got home I was so happy when I found Dumber still alive but mostly dead (like from the movie The Princess Bride) Davie and I rejoiced and celebrated with a batch of cookies. My fish had broken free from the chains of death. Horray!
Well...sadly to say that she was not with us for long. The next evening DUMBER died AGAIN! I could tell she was really gone this time cuz her eyes were set and cloudy. For her funeral I painted a picture of her and asked Davie if he would Play "Be still my soul" We invited friends over to play Guitar Hero and Wii games. Before the fun-filled evening we had Dumbers funeral...and placed her in the toilet to be flushed. We thought about doing a water funeral and sending her out on a boat but it was hard to think of any close pools of water that were not frozen. Then i rememebred my favoite Disney movie. ALL PIPES LEAD TO THE OCEAN. We gently placed (poured) her into the toilet the fushed. I miss my dumber fish. The end.

Guitar Hero, Gifts, Guatemaltecos, and the Garden of Eden

So I'm so sorry to all those who have been waiting patiently to hear the profound words of my inner thoughsts which seem to always circle around a special little girl... a little blonde princess who is the fairest one of them all...
Well, enough with the sappy stuff... is a princess supposed to be able to rock out on Guitar Hero better than a Grubby little Rock Star? No siree! And yet, here that Princess was, the other day, beating me a Roudy Battle of the great GT Hero. And she was doing it in front of all my Friends... We were invited by some of our married ward friends to battle, and here the men were rocking it out, and I get up all ready to show them all what a real Guitar Hero looks like, and what!? She wastes me... not just a little but enough that my rock star level dropped below red... and we all know what happens then... ROCKSTAR DESTRUCTION! Well, honestly, I wasn't surprised that she beat me, because all she does is battle in the game... so of course she'd win... right...? Okay, I'll admit I lost, but only because she's the only one who's going to read this anyways..
So did you notice that all the title words start with "G". Pretty clever eh? Yea, I'm pretty witty if I don't say so myself... but i did. So I was going to give Chris this nice perfume for Christmas... it disappeared... and then reappeared today! Pretty awesome magic trick Chris. I'm real impressed but thats your Valentines present now... sorry you found it so early, it would've been a nice present...
Hey, so I just got done "I.M.ing" (not a legal word yet but I hear that Websters is thinking about adding it) some of my converts down in Guatemala!!! The awesomest family and it made me remember all those good times there, and the amazing people that I met. I love those people so much... and I hope that some day Chris and I'll be able to visit them.
In other important Remodel news.... Chris... and i have decided to paint all of our cupboards nice white and put on new knobs!!! It'll look so much nicer. And I'm especially excited that our Garden of Eden bathroom is slowly becoming a regular bathroom. the leaf clips are gone and replaced by some metrosexual clips!!! They're tizzight! Sorry, guys, you still have to look at yourself when you go the bathroom. So has anyone ever seen those crazy anti-mormon ideas about what we Mormons think about the Garden of Eden? Well, if only we were that crazy... Church would be sooo wierd that I'd love every day trying to imagine what was going to be taught next... and Then Whammm!!! Being wrong everytime!! Yea, that'd be awesome.

January Morn... not to Be Confused with a September Morn

So I don't have any really crazy story, except this... Cheese curds are really just cheese rolled into a ball... but A&W is making tons of money rolling them up and selling them under this nationwide conspiracy. It's just a cheese-in-ball shape. GO buy the cheese and roll it up yourselves if you like it like that... it'll save you money and the rest of the world from another corporate crime.
Oh yea, and the title has an interesting story behind it as well. The story starts with Chris getting up grudgingly and I, with her also grudgingly (thank goodness we're not in a horror film... it'd definately turn out bad then), and she took off for work. Well, I laid down to waste two hours till I had to get up... yea, I can't ever fall asleep again after she's gotten up (gotten= not a real word). Well, I'm lying there and I started hearing bells jingling a bit and shuffling in the house. This was not completely out of the ordinary because Peatree (our bird) does this frequently... but not in pitch darkness. She's a smart bird, she sleeps at least 8 hours a day. So I became overly anxious and began sneaking around my house. If someone was sneaking in my house, well, I'd better sneak around too. I don't want to be left out this fun game. Well, I looked all around, and couldn't see anything amiss (well, to be truthful, I couldn't really see anything because I hadn't put on my glasses) and I went back to bed. then...
AHGGGGGGGG! And I threw myself down to the ground and to the mercy of this unseen sneaker person. (hey, I didn't expect this part of the game, but I improvised and played along as the events played themselves out). Well, after I awoke from my heart attack, I told Chris to never, ever do that again..... Well, it was a funny joke, but I really don't want to die early... at least not because I see my wife in bed... that's not how I want to die at all...
After this already eventful morning, I left for work in my ice-encrusted car. I thought I'd be able to handle the driving until my windshield cleared up, but when a car drove passed me and I realized I was in the turning lane, I decided it was time to pull over and wait out the heater. Yes, in Utah, one should never drive under the influence or under the cover of a thick sheet of ice. Nope, not a good idea at all.
So, in other news, Chris is awesome, not new news but still important to put into writing. She got our internet set up (so instant message us okay!?), and got our home phone set up, which may be a Hispanic party line, we haven't figured that out yet... And she got us some cool phones for super cheap and got us a nice desk and chair for super cheap too... that girl really knows how to shop!!! Well... until next time, make sure you don't go screwing anything up.... just a tip from some "wise-guy"

Can A Hit-and Run with Wiper Fluid be called a Drive-By Shooting?

First of All, Happy Three Kings Day. Yep, another one of those crazy traditions that don't add up. Just like Easter, Christ's Resurrection, we hide eggs and eat chocolate bunnies, and Christmas we put up trees in the house and decorate the yard (shouldn't the tree be in the yard and the decorations in the house?)... well, Three Kings day is the day after Jesus was born when the kings arrived... well, if they came 12 days after Christ was born, why was he two years old when they got there? I can understand holidays like Boxing Day (December 26) they make boxes... and Reeses Pieces Peanut Butter Cups Month (November) you eat the Peanut Butter Cups, and Vegan month (also November) you eat vegans, but shouldn't Christmas be about More Christ, and Easter about whatever that means? Whatever, Happy Three Kings Day anyways. It's just like your birthday, no one really cares, all they want is cake.
So Chris, I'm sorry, I was going to do this story pretending to be you... but I couldn't. I sat for awhile and nothing came out right... so this is Chris (a.k.a Davie) posting a story you will all be glad you read.
Chris came to my work earlier today because I'd stolen her pocketbook. See, in marriage, you try and steal stuff from each other but its all shared inventory anyways, you're wasting your time. Husbands, especially don't even think about "stealing" her chocolates or tooth brushes... those things are sacred... and not shared... anything else, is free, but still weird. Anyways, our story happens after she came to work. She calls me, laughing boisterously (is a word, I promise)and tells me this story:
So I was stopped at a light, and I glanced at the ladies car next to me, which had not been left outside and abandoned to the weather and I realized that my windshield was terribly dirtified. So I turned on the wipers and sprayed some liquid onto... the girls car next to me. I laughed because Davie and I had just talked about rigging the wiper fluid to shoot cars next to us, and here mine had. Then, in that split second that i thought all of this, I saw the girl throw her arms up and protect her face from the wiper fluid I had shot at her car. Apparently the windows of her car were so clean she didn't stop to think that the windows were up and she was not going to get wet... hahah, sucker and her clean windows. She's probably the girl they use in the glass cleaner commercials. You know the one that walks into the door and does the funny ouch face. Well, I am so glad I woke up today and got to experience that drive-by soaking.... I wanna try it on someone else now... one of those guys stupid enough to leave their convertible down i the wintertime....

Editors Note: The events in the story are all true. Any additions or subtractions to the original events are added in because Davie wanted to put them there, so lay off the sauce.

Davie's Note to Chris (and anyone else reading this): Also, anyone who is interested (Chris... perhaps) every first day of the month the Downtown Library gives free vouchers to the first comers to tons of nice musicals, ballets, and other events... its thier community service. So we should totally get in on that honey. Also, I just have to say, the Tepanyaki was amazing the secondtime as well, thanks sooooo much babes. You really are the bestest to me. I love you so much.

The Dangers of Children on Sleds

So I have to say, that we had an awesome New Years Eve. First of all we went to three different parties, yea we're the popular kids, and they were all fun. Then we went to sleep, slept in, which was divine... and then we went on a double-date with a friend and his ladyfriend.
We arrived at the sledding hill a bit before them and there were birds all over the frozen pond.... Birds + Chris =... well, if you know her then you know whats gonna happen... if you don't, lets start with the fact that she's got a bird thing. She even married a Bird, just so she could have the Last name Bird (smile honey :). Well, we played with the ducks, and threw them raisins, nuts and M&Ms. Yes, birds love chocolate candies too. I should know. Then Chris started to chase the birds around and kept saying she wanted to get closer to the ones in the frozen pond. I should've done something right then, but I played along. Next thing you know, the ice breaks and I grasp my lovely wife as she sinks into the frozen water. As she looks up at me with desperation, her daring and dashing husband scoops her out of the frozen danger and sets her down in safety. (pretty awesome huh?!) And Chris was so smart, she brought extra shoes and socks.
Well, next we brought our sleds, a.k.a - cardboards and kneeboards, which work awesome and cost less than sleds. Well, our first sledding event happened quickly after our pond experience... I went down on the kneeboard... right into a little 5 year old. Instead of taking him out though, I just scooped him up (I did a lot of scooping that day) and took him along for the ride. I think the kid even thanked me afterwards.
Well, after all the fun sledding I had everyone kneel on our cardboard sleds and take a picture, which was interrupted as a bunch of sledders aimed for us and we jumped out of the way.... leaving Chris' glasses behind to be broken into three pieces. (Miracle side note and note of thanks all in one: Chris' mom just found another pair of Chris' glasses -same day- and brought them to us... perfect timing Nancy, Thanks). Well, after "scooping" up the remains of Chris' glasses another sledding accident happened. Chris dove out of the way. I jumped and kicked a kid in the head then fell on my soft tooshie. Domino, my friend, was saved somehow to care for his date who was knocked almost to blackout and walked slowly to the car with Domino carefully holding her up. It was a precious moment, well yes, even painful moments can be precious when a guy is so sweet.
We asked her if she still wanted to go eat and she said, "Well yea, I'm hungry." So we went to Pei Wei (yes, free advertising for Pei Wei in Sugarhouse), and it was amazing. The waiter was really, really nice. I think his name Davie. We didn't leave him a tip though.
Happy New Years Everyone